


Be Better Than What Came Before

by Deviant_Demigods



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Comfort fic, Jack is sad, Jack is worried he’ll be just like Lucifer, John Winchester is an actual trash fire of a human being, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Sam Winchester is Jack’s Dad, Sam and Jack have a good vent, sam is a good dad, spn comfort fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17003922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviant_Demigods/pseuds/Deviant_Demigods
Summary: Jack can't help but be afraid that he'll end up just as evil as Lucifer. One night he is having a particularly hard time with this fear and Sam finds him crying. Sam decides to comfort and reassure Jack that he can be better than Lucifer ever was.





	Be Better Than What Came Before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [butmomilovepeter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmomilovepeter/gifts).



> (The violence warning was just because there’s a brief description of it, it’s not that bad, but just in case anyone is sensitive to that kind of thing)

   Sometimes, when everyone had settled down in the bunker and Jack was alone with his thoughts, he started to wonder about himself. More specifically if he could ever escape the ways of his father, if he could be taught how to be better, if nurture really could overcome nature. Some days the thoughts were just passing curiosities, quickly silenced by self reassurance. Other days, they tore his mind apart, made him feel like he was drowning.

And so, on this day, Jack sat on his bed with arguing with his own thoughts. His door was wide open and he found himself starting with a blank expression through it at a chip in the hallway wall. He said nothing aloud, but his brain was screaming. He kept repeating  _ I’m not Lucifer, I’m not Lucifer, I’m not Lucifer....  _ on and on, trying to convince himself. And perhaps it had almost worked, until a stray, cruel thought found its way into the forefront of his mind.

_ What if you’re something worse? _

He wanted to be good so badly. He wanted to make everyone so proud of him. He wanted to be just like the three men who had become his fathers.

_But don’t forget your_ ** _real_** _father, you got along so well with him in the apocalypse world. Can’t be that different from him?_

More painful thoughts that Jack knew he shouldn’t give any merit, but how could he not? They were his own after all.

_ I’ve hurt people before. What if I hurt people again? What if I hurt people I care about? _

The idea he might harm those closest to him opened a window in his imagination. Jack started to picture his friends, his  **family** , lying bloodied and dying by his hand. His imagined them screaming that they hated him, telling him they should’ve given him up to the angels, that they should’ve known better than to take him in,  _ he was Lucifer’s son after all  _ .

He didn’t even notice anyone was in the room until Sam’s hand was gripping his shoulder, it brought him back to reality and a feeling of security washed over him. He certainly hadn’t noticed he was crying until a tissue was pressed into his palm.

“Hey.” Sam’s voice was soft and despite the fact he was now sitting next to Jack, he still lowered himself a bit to come across even less intimidating. He and Jack made eye contact for a brief moment, before Jack slowly shifted his gaze away, returning it to the chip in the wall. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jack shook his head slightly, he wasn’t sure **_how_** to talk about it. Sam had done so much to help him already, he didn’t want Sam to feel at fault for his self-doubt.

“Okay.” Sam spoke again in that soft tone, trying not to cross any boundaries so that Jack might open up. For a few minutes they just sat in utter silence, Sam’s hand not leaving Jack’s shoulder for even a second. Finally Jack broke down, he had been crying before, but now, he was caught in a full body sob. He turned his head and rested it on Sam’s arm. Sam slowly raised his other hand and pulled Jack into a hug, kindly whispering reassuring things to him. “I’m here Jack, it’s alright, you’re safe.”

“But wh- what if you’re not?” Jack managed to force out between sobs.

“Jack, I don’t know what you mean? There’s no danger here.” Sam was puzzled by Jack’s question.

“Yes there is. Me, I’m the danger.” Jack’s words took Sam from confused to utterly shocked. Sam began to worry about how the kid could come to think he was a danger to Sam.  _ Had Dean said something? Had he? _

“Jack you’re not dange-”

“Yes I am Sam!” Jack yelled and pulled away. “I don’t want to be, but I’m scared, I’m scared I’ll be just like  _ him _ , that I’ll be worse!”

“Lucifer?” Sam frowned. “Jack, you’re nothing like Lucifer.”

“Not yet.” Jack’s voice was barely audible as he looked down at his feet, tears still dripping from his eyes. “But I doubt Lucifer started off evil either.”

“You don’t have to be like him, it’s not your destiny if you don’t want it to be.” Sam moved his head to look Jack in the eye. “You have me and Cas, and everyone else here at the bunker to guide you to being a good person, even Dean.”

Jack stayed silent turning his head completely away from Sam. His crying had quieted, but tears still dripped from his eyes. Sam sighed and rubbed one of his hands over his own mouth, before clearing his throat.

“Ya know Jack,” Sam started, Jack glanced to the side, then away again. “I used to be a lot like you.”

When Jack didn’t acknowledge him, Sam continued anyways.

“I was terrified I’d end up just like my father. I know it’s not the same thing, but I do understand what you’re afraid of… at least somewhat.”

“Oh.” Was the only response that came from Jack.

“Dean idolized him, thought he was everything a man, a hunter, should be. I felt like I should too, but how could I? A man who’d leave his kids for days on end to chase after deadly monsters with no regards for what happened to us if he never returned or if they came after us in turn. A man who was only cold and controlling when he was around. How could I look up to that?” Sam looked down at his hands, which now were rested together on his lap.

“John Winchester was ready to sacrifice anything or anyone to get what he wanted. Part of me, as bad as it sounds, is still surprised he traded his soul for Dean. I’m grateful he did of course, I couldn’t lose my brother. And I guess I miss him, he was my dad, even if he was terrible. Maybe I miss him out of obligation, I don’t know.”

“What I do know is leaving was the best choice I made. I went to college, got a real education, got a real life, if only for a moment. And I got to be in love, something I didn’t really think was possible for me in this life. I for the first time, was myself, not the son he wanted me to be, not just like John Winchester.”

“And even though I lost all of that because of the life he forced my brother and I into, I still have who I fundamentally am.”

Jack finally turned to Sam, his eyes glassy with tears.

“Jack, no matter who your father is, you still have yourself, you still get a choice. You just have to chose to be better than what came before.”

“Be better than what came before, right.” Jack confirmed with a soft smile, tears dripping from his eye still, but no longer out of sadness.

He rested his head on Sam’s chest and Sam wrapped his arms around the boy who he had come to see as his own son.

“Thanks Sam.”


End file.
